I skipped work to stalk him.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
