just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
In America we eat man semen.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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