brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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