i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
