"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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