The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
