I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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