I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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