when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
