I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
