just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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