Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
