We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
bring money and cleavage
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
