just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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