Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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