If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
