He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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