I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
