I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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