she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
