I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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