i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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