im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
