It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
