Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize