Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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