sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
