new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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