she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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