I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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