hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
