His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
