Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
