Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i love accidental penises.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
