you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize