I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
