Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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