What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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