I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
