Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
