..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
