His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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