maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
