I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
