Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
