The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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