I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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