I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
