i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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