if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
