In the future we'll all be gay
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
