somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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