I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.