I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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