we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
