we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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