you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
