just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
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I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
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answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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