Your dad touched me again.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
