my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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