I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize