If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
