she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
