Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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