i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
