I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
