At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
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