Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
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yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
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I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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