rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
this will be a night to untag.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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