Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
