I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
