I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
