Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
