I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
