I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
