Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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