I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
