Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We left the knife in your bed.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize