sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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